Glut Your Soul on My Accursed Ugliness

tape them to your feet.

I kit you not. This is apparently a modeling trick which I learned today and immediately deployed to great avail. Simply make 2 little tape loops—sticky side out, one per shoe—and affix one to the inside of each shoe, where your heel sits.

No more accidentally kicking your shoe off your foot onto small dogs and into the street!

This happens to everyone, right? Or is this just the bane of paddle-footed girls who stretch all their pretty shoes into flippers…

…Scratch this whole post, shut it down. If you need me, I’ll be in my cave, writing helpful tips about remedying canker sores, and hangnails.